Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The End of the World.

is HERE. Not to be a doomsdayer, but this is it. Say good-bye to your loved ones, eat whatever you want, and go skydiving. Our last days are upon us. What proof do I have? My Ipod died last night. That's right, it's gone. I know what you're thinking, "big deal."


It is a big deal.


For the past 547 days (approximately), I have used my Ipod to listen to recorded versions of Harry Potter at nighttime. I get ready for bed, put on my pjs, hop under the covers and put my little earbuds in my little ears. Side note: While the outside of my ears are normal-sized (I hope), the inner part (you know, where you stick the earbud) is quite small. It's a problem, I know. Reconstructive surgery is on the calendar.


Okay, back to how the sky is falling. I listen to Jim Dale's voice for about two minutes and then I am completely asleep. Two minutes. Without Jim's help, I can't fall asleep. If I can't fall asleep, I can't be asleep. If I can't be asleep, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, the earth stops turning. Wait, maybe that logic ladder is missing a few rungs.

Let me clarify.


If I don't sleep, I become a grouch. Well, first I go through the stages of sleep deprivation (I won't bore you with those), but then I become a grouch. As a grouch, I smart off to and offend everyone that I come into contact with - both in person and through other means (like the internet or telephone). When I get angry, it makes everyone else angry. Mainly because I am normally such a mild-mannered and polite lady that society cannot handle the abrupt shift in dimensions of Tara. Anyway, everyone is angry. Since everyone is angry, they become aggressive and violent. Physical turmoil breaks out and everyone is destroyed. The world stops turning. We go the way of the dinosaurs. (At least the way of the dinosaurs before the creation of Jurassic Park.) Game over. Civilization ended.


I've put you on notice. Don't worry about meeting those deadlines this week; by next Friday, you won't even exist. There, not exactly a happy thought, but at least you (and I) don't have to read for Sales.

Friday, March 4, 2011

As a kid, I wore a perpetual Kool-Aid mustache.

I did. True story. Here's proof:














Looks like red Kool-Aid was my favorite, but there seems to be an orange one in there too. I guess I used to like orange flavored things. It looks like both my fashion sense and my flavor sense have improved. Thank goodness.