Last Friday was kind of a bummer for me. I got rejected for a job, found out some problems with the house we want to buy, and a dear friend didn't quite get the news we were hoping for about something rather important. To say the least, as I drove the two hours to my parents' house for a visit Friday night, I had some heavy thoughts. I felt sorry for myself for about half of the drive, then decided that there are some things that are just beyond my control.
I can only give what I have.
Everything happens for a reason. I know that. Heck, I say it all the time. I just don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that I was not meant to have the job that I applied for and hoped against hope that I would get. I don't want to hear that the house that Matt and I have picked out may not the best purchase. I don't want to hear that my 8-month pregnant friend wasn't meant to pass her dissertation boards free and clear.
But it is true. Everything does happen for a reason.
I have a job offer waiting for me. There are other houses for sale in the same neighborhood. J is off work for the next 18 weeks so she can focus on her dissertation for the next few days without having to worry about students or deadlines.
I'm working on remembering that when what I give isn't enough, it isn't because I didn't try hard enough (or sometimes it is) or because I am not good enough. It means that there are other plans for me. It means that what I need is not a super stressful job in an international law firm or a house with a roof that will need to be replaced or perfect friends (who needs those anyway?).
What I need is to trust that it will all work out for the best. I've got to go full force then let it go. I've got to have faith.
