Breath of Heaven

Margaret and I have been talking about the song Breath of Heaven for a few days. I realized that I hadn't heard it at all this Christmas season, so I popped open Pandora and in about six songs, on it came. It is a beautiful song and I can appreciate all the thoughts that Mary might have had 'around this time of year' 2,000 years ago. Today, though, what was especially poignant for me was the part that goes:

Breath of Heaven, do You wonder as You watch my face, if a wiser one should have had my place?

Thomas and I ran a million errands today. He decided that during those errands he would ignore every word that I said. Every. Word.  We went to my favorite coffee shop for a 'date', Sam's, Books-A-Million (the ONE in the world that is still open), and Trader Joe's. In every single place, he acted like a madman. I was embarrassed. I was frustrated. I lost my temper. I was ashamed that I  couldn't control my child and that he didn't respond to my commands. In a four-hour period, I doubted my ability to parent my child more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes. I wondered how I could possibly handle adding to our family. Even as I type this, I doubt myself and wonder if I have what it takes. But then I remember my favorite line of Breath of Heaven.

But I offer all that I am, for the mercy of Your plan. Help me be strong. Help me be. Help me.

I went to four places today, all busy with Christmas shoppers and tired employees. Know how many dirty looks I noticed? None. Know how many smiles, sweet comments, and laughs (in a good way) I got? A lot. I'd say at least two at every place. Two at Lucky Goat, but five or six at the other places.

I'm not in this alone and I was not intended to be. I was chosen to be Thomas's mother because it is part of His plan. If I offer all that I am, He'll help me be strong.

Well, God and Xanax.

I'm kidding about the Xanax. I'd have to report that to the Bar Association and that's just too much trouble.

Adventures in Tally - Visit to Apalachicola

Though I didn't blog about the rest of our time in Baton Rouge, I decided that I should skip over those trivial (but fun) happenings and move on to Tallahassee.  Matt and I decided early on that since we had a year to spend IN Florida, we were going to really be IN Florida. Knowing that, when I decided to run a marathon, I picked a run that was in Florida and would be fun to visit. While it wasn't our first Florida road trip (Thanks, Hermine...), it has been the one that required the most amount of preparation so far.  I'll most about our Hermine-getaway soon, but first up, let's talk about Apalachicola. Don't know how to say that word? Try this - apple + latch + ick + cola. Say it fast and pretend that you are playing Mad Gab. Or, you can act like a local and call it Apalach (apple + latch).

We drove down (about two hours) after Thomas woke up from his nap on Friday afternoon and set up camp in a little condo right on the beach. I don't have any pictures of it, but know that it was ideal and most importantly, pet friendly.

Saturday morning, we got up early and took full advantage of having the beach just a short walk out the back door. Giselle got to go too!

After washing off the sand and eating breakfast, we went 'sploring.  We didn't actually stay in Apalachicola but on St. George Island. There is a series of three little towns that all run together. The main area is Apalach, but then there is several mile long bridge that connects Apalach to Eastpoint and then another bridge that connects Eastpoint to St. George.

St. George lighthouse

Playground just outside the lighthouse!

After seeing St. George's sights, we drove into Apalach to see the town. Eastpoint is nice, but is more commercial/industrial. We did stop at the Dollar General to get some nausea medicine. But more about that later. Oh, in the three towns that I mentioned, there are a few stop lights, but not a single Wal-Mart.

The best thing about Apalach? A place called Boss's Oysters. I thought that all oysters were the same. I was wrong. I'll gladly admit it. The chargrilled oysters that we had with lunch were the best I have ever EATEN. Except for the ones that we had for second supper when we went back there later that night. Oh my gracious.

Ice cream! Just a spoonful for Thomas because dairy....

Hoodrat things... 

A sleeping toddler may be the most beautiful sight ever.

These double swings are SO much fun. A little scary for the parent, but so much fun!

Sunday morning came sooner (and yet, later) than I was ready. I had been battling anxiety-nausea for several days and it was certainly no less when I got up on Sunday to prepare for the race. I choked down some Pepto, drank my breakfast shake, and started hydrating.  I did end up tossing my cookies a few times that morning, but it's just part of it. I have a nervous stomach.

The marathon started about 7:00 a.m. eastern. Just like every other major race that I've done, Matt was right there at the starting line. Seriously, in the six years that  I've been "running" he hasn't missed a single major run. That's pretty impressive when you think about how much he dislikes waking before the sun.

There was no course entertainment, but there was this little boy and his sweet daddy who planned and waited and popped up to meet me as often as they could.  I won't tell you about the actual run because it was long and I'm sure you followed me on Instagram. I will tell you about the finish.

You know how people say that there comes a turning point in one's life when that person knows that nothing will ever be the same? Mine came about 2:15 p.m. on October 23, 2016.  After the months of preparation, the back  and forth of anxiety and confidence, the tears and scrapes and burning muscles, I KNEW that my body, my brain, and my heart could handle whatever challenge I faced. When I crossed that finish line after 26.2 miles I was exhausted, sunburnt, and chafed like you wouldn't believe but also I was elated, proud, and secure in my knowledge that there is nothing in this world that I can't overcome.

The past few months have been tough on me and the next few will be tougher still, but I know that I can handle it. And when I start to think I can't, I'll just put on my tennis shoes and go for a run.

Baton Rouge Bucket List - Easter Egg Hunt at the Governor's Mansion

     We had hoped to get to go back for the Louisiana Governor's Annual Easter Egg Hunt for 2016. We first went in 2015 but I don't know that we were invited before then. Apparently having a kid DOES change everything. With a new governor in place and CRAZY budget cuts, I really didn't expect an Easter Egg Hunt, but low-and-behold, on the actual day of the Hunt, we got a text message saying that it was on and we were expected to be there. There was some kind of mix-up at Dr. Frank's office. Since Session had already begun, Dr. Frank was in town, but poor Nana missed out. Matt did too, until near the very end.  This post is mostly pictures because well, what do you say about an Easter Egg Hunt?

    Thomas took a few minutes to warm up but he did eventually - to both the Easter bunny and the train. He wanted to ride the train every time it came back from its loop of the parking lot.

Whitney was a bit concerned about Dr. Frank's ability to get OUT of the train...

No lie, best picture we could get of T and F.

It seems that Daddy can even make the Easter bunny less scary.

Thomas's Easter hunt shirt for church! It was adorable. Also, he can still fit in those shorts. It's kind of  ridiculous.

Baton Rouge Bucket List - A weekend in Nola

We've been in Tally for MONTHS now but I am way behind on posting on our last days in Baton Rouge. I'm trying to catch up, I promise I will! Eventually...  Timing-wise, we're in March of 2016. Easter weekend, actually.

Many of the items on our Baton Rouge Bucket List included things that we could only do in New Orleans: go to the Audubon Zoo, eat at a John Besh restaurant, beignets.  Shortly after our 5K which was the day before my last half marathon, Matt caught the running bug and I was able to talk him into signing up for the Crescent City Classic. The CCC is a historic Nola 10K. It's always the Saturday before Easter. Since Matt ended up having Good Friday off work, we decided to go and make a weekend of it.

We left for Nola early Friday morning and started our day at the only place worth starting a day: Cafe du Monde. Thomas had never been there before. He LOVES donuts so we knew that he'd love it. There were HUGE lines to sit outside but an open table inside so we just mosied our way inside and sat down right away (Insider secret: the lines outside aren't for the tables inside the building.).

Not going to lie, Thomas LOVED it. Like, loved it. So much so that when he dropped his beignet, he cried. I don't mean just fake cried. I mean, meltdown. He absolutely LOST. IT.

There was still a WHOLE plate in front of the kid but he cried and cried and CRIED. It was both adorable and embarrassing. Luckily, the tables around us saw the whole thing so no one called CPS on us.

It didn't take but two more beignets to get him to cheer up. As you can see, he learned about sugar very quickly.

After getting all  sugared-up, we went out to the zoo. It was crazy packed but the weather was very nice so we enjoyed it. We had the Bob jogger with us so we just mowed the other patrons down.

Thomas loved the carousel but would only ride on it with Matt. I don't get it, but whatev. I'm a better picture taker.

 After the zoo, we went back to the hotel. We stayed at the same hotel that the Crescent City Classic was headquartered so that made it easy. We just navigated the myriad of elevators (y'all, it was SO confusing) and got our race goodies. Then, we checked out the restaurants in the hotel. THERE WAS A JOHN BESH RESTURANT IN THE HOTEL! Perfect. So many things to mark off our bucket list and we didn't even have to leave the hotel! After Thomas went to bed, Matt went downstairs and ordered way too many things. He brought them back to the room and we have a picnic feast of John Besh's best. We went straight to bed with tummyaches.

Early the next morning, we got dressed and headed to the back of the line. Like, behind 20,000 other people. Strollers had to start WAY back. It frustrated Matt to no end. He's not a plodder and he seriously hates getting stuck behind people. We were stuck behind everyone. Including a Viking ship. Matt decided to bob and weave and run over people. I ran behind and apologized as I went...

You know, runners have to stretch!

Thomas had a very relaxing time.

 We did it! In the rain! Matt actually traversed 6.2 miles and didn't die! Thomas only ate 54.3 packs of fruit snacks! We marked everything off of our Nola bucket list. Just in time to move...

Washington D.C. - Space, Tea, and Mr. Jefferson (Day 4)

Sunday morning, I went back to the Air and Space Museum to see all the things that I didn't get to see the night before. Oh my gracious, it was packed. Packed, packed, packed. I was also pretty sick by that point (like sore throat, coughing, headache, it was awful) and had no voice so I really just wanted to take a nap. I didn't want to miss out on things more so I suffered through it and warned people away from me by coughing without covering my mouth.  To get away from the crowds, I bought a ticket without using words for a video in the planetarium. I wanted to see an IMAX but missed it by an hour because my watch was still on Louisiana time. Instead, I experienced about thirty minutes of Whoopi Goldberg explaining star formation to me before I had to leave because I was coughing like Edgar Allen Poe's child bride. 

After the Air and Space fiasco, I went back to the hotel and took a nap. I had to rest. BECAUSE... We had reservations for tea at the Willard. We were serenaded by a harpist as we ate and drank our way through scones, orange scented salmon mousse, and cheesecake parfaits. Oh my goodness. Matt had never had high tea before but I think he is a convert. He was the only male in the place but he didn't care one bit. 

After tea, we went back to the hotel to change into more comfortable clothes (we ate a lot!) and headed back out to the Jefferson Memorial which was a pretty far piece from the other monuments which weren't that far from us.  Just as we rushed to get to Lincoln by sunrise, we rushed to get to Jefferson before the sun went down.

This picture is a lie. We look close to it, we weren't. It took forever to get there. In fact, we are still trying to get there now, four months out.


We finally made it. I didn't expect to get to go to the Jefferson Memorial so I didn't do any research on it. I had no expectations.

My favorite part?

Facetiming with Thomas on the steps as the sun went down.
He was happy to see us, but mad that we weren't there. He cried. I cried. People stared.

Then we went to a burger place and then back to the hotel to pack up and sleep.

The next day, we flew home! But our little boy wasn't at home when we got there. Seriously.

He was at school. His nana had him for four days and needed a break, so she took him to school for the day. He got home about ten minutes after we got there. And baby boy couldn't wait to see his daddy. What you see here is Thomas kissing Matt through the car window. Window rolled up, of course.

Thomas didn't really care that I was home, but man, I was so glad to see him. Then I went to the doctor. 

Yay! D.C. is finished. Now to catch up on the four months that have elapsed since we went and I started writing this series.... 

Washington D.C. - Shopping, Milk, and the Stars (Day 3)

Saturday morning in D.C. is far different from the workweek. Fewer people in the early morning and a larger number of homeless and beggars in the afternoon. First thing Saturday morning was breakfast with the business manager of Matt's new boss. We ate at Old Ebbit Grill. Apparently it used to be the oldest saloon in D.C. but I don't know about that - I ordered corned beef hash. I figured, when it Rome... It was okay. Meeting with the manager was also okay. It was very interesting to hear his thoughts on the business side of the future of Matt's chosen profession. Enough of that. 

After breakfast, we all went our separate ways - Matt back to the conference, the manager to the subway, and me to the mall. Well, mallS. I went to the National Mall first to see if I could get tickets to the Washington Monument for that day.  I did, by the way. Then, I made a stop into the Smithsonian Castle to see the sights and gardens. The gardens were slightly marred by all the boy scouts, but I guess that couldn't be helped. It was a Saturday, after all. 

The Smithsonian Castle. 

After seeing the castle and grounds, I went to the National Museum of the American Indian. It was very well done. I wish I had had time to explore more of it. It was early and all the other tourists were are the Air and Space museum so I was one of only about a dozen people in the place. After exploring for about an hour, I walked back to meet Matt in Chinatown for some real Chinese food as an early lunch. Look how neat! This is the entrance to Chinatown. All of the businesses have to have their names written in Chinese characters, as well as English. I wonder how many of them are correct. We didn't eat Chinese because the place we were headed to was closed, but we did stumble on a Vietnamese place that Matt talked me into. I'm not a huge fan, but he is a sucker for banh mi. The food was fine, but I didn't love it.   

Know what I do love? Ice cream. After I walked Matt back out to his conference, I went window shopping and stumbled across a Milk Bar. Lemme tell you about it. Milk Bar does interesting things with dairy. This is soft serve ice cream that tastes like the milk in the bottom of the bowl after you eat all the frosted flakes. I may have eaten ice cream while walking through 40 degree weather. It was so worth the frozen mouth that I got from it. 

 I also bought a compost cookie (chocolate, pretzels, potato chips, and other stuff that works perfectly with the salty-sweet scheme), birthday cake truffles, and a slice of crack pie (think butter. glorious butter).  I only ate the ice cream that day. I swear. 

After indulging in chewable milk and not buying anything while shopping, I met Matt to go to the top of the Washington monument. We waited a long time, took a super small elevator to the top, and then rode the elevator back down.  While at the top, we looked out the windows. Here, if you look out the window between us you can see the White House. 

After the monument, we got gussied up again and went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. The museum was closed to the public, but open by invitation only from another one of those big pharm companies. Oh. My. Goodness. Where the dinosaur museum let me down, this one far exceeded my expectations. The party was catered by someone who knows how to cater. 

I won't do it justice by describing it, so I won't. Until I get to the end. We had free reign to go wherever we wanted. We got there early so there weren't many people, but even when there were a lot of people, it wasn't that many. It didn't take away from the experience at all. 

Dessert was spectacular. There were a bunch of little stations with different desserts. One station had sweet shooters of cheesecake and banana pudding. Another had artisan ice cream frozen with liquid nitrogen. Another had cake. Glorious cake.  I could have stayed there all night.  But we didn't.  We had to leave to get to a second dinner with the dermopath from the night before. This one was outside of DC and we were two of five guests. It took forever to get there, the food was weird, but the company was great. We also got in the wrong Uber at 11:00 at night, but that's a story that I'm just not emotionally prepared to tell.  

By the time we got safely back to the hotel, it was Sunday and the day before we got to go home. I mean, we had to leave. 

Washington D.C. - Freedom, Death, and Wax (Day 2)

 Day Two in D.C. was when Matt and I split up. First, we went on a guided tour of the National Archives. No pictures though - none were allowed. Neither was mace. The girls in ahead of us in the security line obviously didn't read the rules on the website like I did a million times. The National Archives are where the original (we didn't see the map on the back...) Declaration of Independence is kept, along with the Bill of Rights and the Magna Carta. The room looks very similar to that used in the Nick Cage movie whose name escapes me right now, but was not nearly as bright. It was actually hard to see because of how dim it was. I had to pull my glasses back out and almost got body slammed by a guard. Those American History people are strict. National Treasure. That's the Nick Cage movie.

 We didn't have a lot of time at the Archives because Matt was there for a conference, so after seeing the Constitution - he went conferencing and I just went. My first stop was the National Gallery of Art. I took pictures of things that I thought Matt might like to see and things that I thought were pretty. Enjoy:

I wish I could tell you more about the pictures above, but I can't. It has simply been too long and I have other things on my mind. I really enjoyed seeing the Rodins and more than a few Degas. Though the Degas may have been a little pervy for me. I'm not sure that I would have let my fourteen-year old daughter pose for some of those pieces. I guess times were a little different in the 1800's, but that wouldn't fly now.

One thing that I thought was interesting is that artists can go to the museum and actually look at an original masterpiece while they were attempting to copy it. I wish I could paint well. I may spend some time with Bob Ross while we are in Tallahassee and I have no friends or social life.

 Oh, oh! There it is. A real Monet. I don't know why I like Monet's works so much, but I do. Claude makes me want to go to France to see what he saw. Well, Claude and croissants. 

 After I got my fill of Art, I hoofed it over to the Holocaust Museum. I thought about whether I wanted to actually go to the Museum for months. Until I walked through the doors, I still hadn't decided. I knew what happened - more than most. One of my papers in law school was about past and current genocides. I know more about the Holocaust than I want to know. But I went in. 

I didn't learn anything new from an overall perspective. I did experience the personal tragedy of about a hundred victims. The museum highlights (is that the best word for something so awful?) snippets of each person's story during the three story exhibit. There was a name and a sentence. A name and a picture. A name and an artifact. Every thing - palpable or incorporeal - had a name. A person's name. The museum made me experience the horrors far more than any book has ever done.

Only guard yourself and guard your soul carefully, lest you forget the things your eyes saw, and lest these things depart your heart all the days of your life. And you shall make them known to your children, and to your children's children. Deuteronomy 4:9. 

 I am glad that all those people are having their stories told in such a tangible way, but I am not going back. I remember and cannot forget. 

From the Hall of Remembrance. 

 After the Museums, I headed back to the hotel to freshen up. Matt and I facetimed with Thomas and then headed to Madame Tussauds Wax Museum for drinks with the stars. Big pharm companies host events during conferences like this. One of the companies invited Matt and his guest to a grinner at the wax museum. We went, confused people with statues, and left. While we were there, we ran into a few famous people.

I helped George cross the river. 

Matt sat really close to another George. 

We left the creepy wax place to go to dinner with one of the dermopathologist (sp?) who has been courting the LSU and Tulane residency programs. When a patient goes to the dermatologist and has something removed, most dermatologist send the something to a dermopathologist to look at and determine what it is. Big groups court residency programs so that when the derm residents go out to practice, they'll send the somethings to them so the dermopaths make money. It's perfectly ethical. When I get to be involved too, chances are, it will be delicious. 

Again, I don't remember the name of the restaurant, but the dermopath that Matt and I like a lot (there are two that court LSU and Tulane) invited the LSU and Tulane residents to a private dinner at a hopping restaurant. It was fun and delicious (real size portions, by the way), and free. We were wined and dined and had a blast. My introverted self was exhausted after being at TWO social events, so we went back to the hotel and called it a day.  

It's possible that I packed a lot into my days because I was trying not to think about the huge chunk of my heart at home. I wasn't teary, but was missing my boy some kind of bad.