Tuesday, April 5, 2011
PB FOUND, UNHARMED BUT CONFUSED
NEWS! NEWS! The missing peanut butter has been found. Late yesterday afternoon searches located said peanut butter after hours of desperate looking. The jar was found in the spice cabinet among the powdered garlic and baking soda. When asked how it came to be there, the jar commented that he was unable to remember anything before being rescued. Physicians we contacted said that short-term memory loss was common with accident victims and they are hopeful that PB will soon regain his memory. Loved ones are thankful to all those who were involved in the search and just want things to go back to the way they were before this awful incident occurred. We'll keep our faithful readers updated with PB's recovery process and the continued efforts to determine how he came to be so far from home.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Have you seen this jar?
This morning was a typical Monday. Woke up slowly, moved slowly, got ready slowly while the clock moved quite quickly. Lately, because I've run out of milk, I've been eating oatmeal for breakfast. I like oatmeal so this is no hardship on me. As I was waiting for my oatmeal to cool down (and thicken, I mean, who likes soupy oatmeal?) I cut up my apple to take to school with me. Since I usually pair my apple with an orange but am also out of oranges, I went to the pantry to get my trusty peanut butter to fill in that gap of my lunchtime snack. People that know me well, know that I have a place for everything and I'm only happy when everything is in its place. This morning I looked right where my peanut butter is supposed to be in the pantry. It wasn't there. I cringed. Hastily I scanned the shelves to look for the misplaced peanutty goodness, but to no avail. My peanut better has gone missing. It looks like this: 
I'm not completely sure, and I refuse to name any names, but I think my roommate has inappropriately appropriated my personal property.
I will be launching an investigation. The fingerprinting and forensics team will be arriving this afternoon.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The End of the World.
is HERE. Not to be a doomsdayer, but this is it. Say good-bye to your loved ones, eat whatever you want, and go skydiving. Our last days are upon us. What proof do I have? My Ipod died last night. That's right, it's gone. I know what you're thinking, "big deal."
It is a big deal.
For the past 547 days (approximately), I have used my Ipod to listen to recorded versions of Harry Potter at nighttime. I get ready for bed, put on my pjs, hop under the covers and put my little earbuds in my little ears. Side note: While the outside of my ears are normal-sized (I hope), the inner part (you know, where you stick the earbud) is quite small. It's a problem, I know. Reconstructive surgery is on the calendar.
Okay, back to how the sky is falling. I listen to Jim Dale's voice for about two minutes and then I am completely asleep. Two minutes. Without Jim's help, I can't fall asleep. If I can't fall asleep, I can't be asleep. If I can't be asleep, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, the earth stops turning. Wait, maybe that logic ladder is missing a few rungs.
Let me clarify.
If I don't sleep, I become a grouch. Well, first I go through the stages of sleep deprivation (I won't bore you with those), but then I become a grouch. As a grouch, I smart off to and offend everyone that I come into contact with - both in person and through other means (like the internet or telephone). When I get angry, it makes everyone else angry. Mainly because I am normally such a mild-mannered and polite lady that society cannot handle the abrupt shift in dimensions of Tara. Anyway, everyone is angry. Since everyone is angry, they become aggressive and violent. Physical turmoil breaks out and everyone is destroyed. The world stops turning. We go the way of the dinosaurs. (At least the way of the dinosaurs before the creation of Jurassic Park.) Game over. Civilization ended.
I've put you on notice. Don't worry about meeting those deadlines this week; by next Friday, you won't even exist. There, not exactly a happy thought, but at least you (and I) don't have to read for Sales.
It is a big deal.
For the past 547 days (approximately), I have used my Ipod to listen to recorded versions of Harry Potter at nighttime. I get ready for bed, put on my pjs, hop under the covers and put my little earbuds in my little ears. Side note: While the outside of my ears are normal-sized (I hope), the inner part (you know, where you stick the earbud) is quite small. It's a problem, I know. Reconstructive surgery is on the calendar.
Okay, back to how the sky is falling. I listen to Jim Dale's voice for about two minutes and then I am completely asleep. Two minutes. Without Jim's help, I can't fall asleep. If I can't fall asleep, I can't be asleep. If I can't be asleep, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, the earth stops turning. Wait, maybe that logic ladder is missing a few rungs.
Let me clarify.
If I don't sleep, I become a grouch. Well, first I go through the stages of sleep deprivation (I won't bore you with those), but then I become a grouch. As a grouch, I smart off to and offend everyone that I come into contact with - both in person and through other means (like the internet or telephone). When I get angry, it makes everyone else angry. Mainly because I am normally such a mild-mannered and polite lady that society cannot handle the abrupt shift in dimensions of Tara. Anyway, everyone is angry. Since everyone is angry, they become aggressive and violent. Physical turmoil breaks out and everyone is destroyed. The world stops turning. We go the way of the dinosaurs. (At least the way of the dinosaurs before the creation of Jurassic Park.) Game over. Civilization ended.
I've put you on notice. Don't worry about meeting those deadlines this week; by next Friday, you won't even exist. There, not exactly a happy thought, but at least you (and I) don't have to read for Sales.
Friday, March 4, 2011
As a kid, I wore a perpetual Kool-Aid mustache.
I did. True story. Here's proof:
Looks like red Kool-Aid was my favorite, but there seems to be an orange one in there too. I guess I used to like orange flavored things. It looks like both my fashion sense and my flavor sense have improved. Thank goodness.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Baby, it's STILL cold outside.
I like the cold. Don't get me wrong, I do. But I'm tired of it. My skin is dry, I've packed on a few pounds, and I don't have a lot of warm clothing. Know what I do have? Excellent cold weather food. Well, excellent cold weather recipes than can lead to excellent cold weather food. Skeptical about the excellent-ness? Don't be - I've got the extra pounds to prove it.
One of my favorite things to eat in the fall and winter is jambalaya. I've yet to kind a variety that I don't like. My mom doesn't like jambalaya, so if I want it, I've got to make it myself. I did the box thing for a bit, but then I got a recipe from Bond, Rick Bond. Since making it his way the first time, I've tweaked the recipe just a little. His recipe is still excellent, I'm just a tweaker. I don't know how to leave a good thing alone. I'm seeking help.
Until I get my issues resolved, you get to have my jambalaya recipe. Keep in mind, that any and all (invisible and imaginary) royalties should go to Rick. Here goes -
Ingredients:
1 bag of chicken thighs
rice (doesn't matter how much, not really)
1 package of sausage, chopped into rounds - I use turkey sausage. If I had my choice, I'd use pork. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
1 stick of butter (not margarine, but you could use olive oil), split into thirds.
about a teaspoon of tony's (start with the teaspoon, then add more if desired after cooked)
a bag of pictsweet three peppers and onions. It's in the frozen vegetable section. If you aren't a fan of the frozen option, buy an onion and some bell peppers. In January, the frozen variety is cheaper. If you want to stay traditional, just use an onion. I like color and Vitamin A.
1/2 cup of chopped green onion.
3 chicken flavored bouillon cubes
tabasco, to taste
water (about twice as much rice, plus some - see recipe...)
a big pot
Here's the deal. I'm not a recipe blogger. I like to tell stories and ramble. I will not change my ways. I've tried, I can't. This blog will be a recipe inside rambling. It's just how I roll.
First step, thaw your ingredients. The picture of all the ingredients includes frozen stuff but I thawed it before I used it. Room temperature raw chicken looks kind of gross. I saved us both from gagging. Why? If you thaw the chicken or vegetables while cooking it, it'll produce more water than you want. Not only that, the water will prevent certain things from happening. Like browning. Don't believe me? Try it.
Next, add 1/3 stick of butter to a pan, melt it, and brown the chicken. If your pot won't hold all the chicken, split the butter again so that you have a new pat for each batch of browning chicken. After browning, set aside.
Third, brown the sausage in another 1/3 of the butter. I used turkey sausage so it needed the butter. If you use regular sausage, the butter really isn't necessary. If you do go with a lower fat variety of sausage, make sure you get a good crust on the sausage. It will make a huge difference in the finished dish. Once it is browned, set the sausage aside.
Step 3.5, deglaze the pan. That's right, you get to be all fancy. All you need is some hot water and that deliciousness stuck to the bottom of the pot. Pour about 1/2 inch of water into the pan and scrape. Be careful not to mess up your pan if it is nonstick (if you ARE using a non-stick pan, you probably don't have a need to deglaze - think about it). I had to do it twice. Pour the water that has now been infused with browned goodness on top of the chicken to save it.
Number 4, add the last of the butter to the pan and the vegetables. If you weren't able to get all of the browned bits up with the water, you can once the veggies have softened. Technically, you could just wait and get all of them up with the veggies, but by that point, the browned bits could become black bits. No one wants that.
Now, add all that stuff you just browned back into the pot. Take it easy, don't splash the water. Ms. Lucy says that good cooks are messy cooks. Not that I don't agree with her, but remember who has to clean it up after you get done cooking. That's right, you. Add the water. I start with about 6 cups of water (including the deglazing water). If you want to cut some of that water with chicken broth for more flavor, go right ahead. Same proportions though. Add the cubes of salty chicken goodness. Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to simmer, cover, and let cook for 45 minutes. Make sure to stir whenever you think about it.
After 45 minutes, turn off the heat and remove the lid. Let it cool down a bit. Then use your tongs and remove all the chicken thighs and put them on a plate or a large bowl. Go take a nap. After it all has cooled, remove the skin and bones from the chicken and throw them away. Don't get bored and lazy here or you'll regret it. Bones and rubbery skin pieces aren't appetizing. Shred the chicken with your fingers and toss it back into the pot.
Once all the chicken is back at the party, add the rice. I use brown rice because I'm healthy like that (hence all the butter usage). Feel free to use white. Just keep in mind that white rice takes about 2/3 of the time to cook as brown. Know what that means? Frequent taste tests. Add rice. I use a small bag (16 oz). See picture. Wait Tara. That math doesn't work. I thought you were supposed to use the ration of 2 parts water to 1 part rice. Normally, that's true. Notice that that 6 cups from before has been cooking for quite awhile. Those six cups aren't all there anymore. No, 2 cups didn't evaporate off, but I like a little extra water when cooking brown rice. Like I said, it takes longer to cook and therefore, needs more water. Rice isn't going to taste good if it cooks without water. Can rice even cook without water? I don't want to know.
Once the rice is added, bring it back up to a boil, then turn it down to a simmer. Cover for about 15 minutes. Then take the cover off and simmer for about 30 more minutes. Test the rice as often as you want. Be careful not to burn your tongue. After the rice is cooked, turn off the heat. It doesn't matter if there is still some liquid. It'll soak up into the rice as it sits. If you find that you are short on broth, add some water. In about 1/2 cup increments. If you have a can of chicken broth, use that instead of water at this point. It took a lot of time to get that original water to taste good and not like well, water. Adding more will take away from the flavor party that you already have going on in that pot.
Lastly, test for seasonings. If you did it right, you shouldn't need anything. It is better to do the seasonings before the rice is cooked that way the rice will absorb it all. If you need to season, do it in small batches. Salt isn't always our friend. Note that this recipe isn't spicy. If you want it spicy, start with a spicy sausage. If still not enough, pepper it up until your heart is content. You may also notice that there's nothing in this recipe to give it any of the traditional reddish color. Why not? Well, Rick's recipe didn't have anything and tomatoes sometimes give me heartburn. If you want that color, add a can of tomato paste or a cup of v8. Using the multi-colored bell peppers will add some color so it isn't just bland colored bowl of flavor.
I like it, I hope you do too. This recipe feeds an army of 20.
One of my favorite things to eat in the fall and winter is jambalaya. I've yet to kind a variety that I don't like. My mom doesn't like jambalaya, so if I want it, I've got to make it myself. I did the box thing for a bit, but then I got a recipe from Bond, Rick Bond. Since making it his way the first time, I've tweaked the recipe just a little. His recipe is still excellent, I'm just a tweaker. I don't know how to leave a good thing alone. I'm seeking help.
Until I get my issues resolved, you get to have my jambalaya recipe. Keep in mind, that any and all (invisible and imaginary) royalties should go to Rick. Here goes -
Ingredients:
1 bag of chicken thighs
rice (doesn't matter how much, not really)
1 package of sausage, chopped into rounds - I use turkey sausage. If I had my choice, I'd use pork. Life just isn't fair sometimes.
1 stick of butter (not margarine, but you could use olive oil), split into thirds.
about a teaspoon of tony's (start with the teaspoon, then add more if desired after cooked)
a bag of pictsweet three peppers and onions. It's in the frozen vegetable section. If you aren't a fan of the frozen option, buy an onion and some bell peppers. In January, the frozen variety is cheaper. If you want to stay traditional, just use an onion. I like color and Vitamin A.
1/2 cup of chopped green onion.
3 chicken flavored bouillon cubes
tabasco, to taste
water (about twice as much rice, plus some - see recipe...)
a big pot
Here's the deal. I'm not a recipe blogger. I like to tell stories and ramble. I will not change my ways. I've tried, I can't. This blog will be a recipe inside rambling. It's just how I roll.
First step, thaw your ingredients. The picture of all the ingredients includes frozen stuff but I thawed it before I used it. Room temperature raw chicken looks kind of gross. I saved us both from gagging. Why? If you thaw the chicken or vegetables while cooking it, it'll produce more water than you want. Not only that, the water will prevent certain things from happening. Like browning. Don't believe me? Try it.
Next, add 1/3 stick of butter to a pan, melt it, and brown the chicken. If your pot won't hold all the chicken, split the butter again so that you have a new pat for each batch of browning chicken. After browning, set aside.
Third, brown the sausage in another 1/3 of the butter. I used turkey sausage so it needed the butter. If you use regular sausage, the butter really isn't necessary. If you do go with a lower fat variety of sausage, make sure you get a good crust on the sausage. It will make a huge difference in the finished dish. Once it is browned, set the sausage aside.
Step 3.5, deglaze the pan. That's right, you get to be all fancy. All you need is some hot water and that deliciousness stuck to the bottom of the pot. Pour about 1/2 inch of water into the pan and scrape. Be careful not to mess up your pan if it is nonstick (if you ARE using a non-stick pan, you probably don't have a need to deglaze - think about it). I had to do it twice. Pour the water that has now been infused with browned goodness on top of the chicken to save it.
Number 4, add the last of the butter to the pan and the vegetables. If you weren't able to get all of the browned bits up with the water, you can once the veggies have softened. Technically, you could just wait and get all of them up with the veggies, but by that point, the browned bits could become black bits. No one wants that.
Now, add all that stuff you just browned back into the pot. Take it easy, don't splash the water. Ms. Lucy says that good cooks are messy cooks. Not that I don't agree with her, but remember who has to clean it up after you get done cooking. That's right, you. Add the water. I start with about 6 cups of water (including the deglazing water). If you want to cut some of that water with chicken broth for more flavor, go right ahead. Same proportions though. Add the cubes of salty chicken goodness. Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to simmer, cover, and let cook for 45 minutes. Make sure to stir whenever you think about it.
After 45 minutes, turn off the heat and remove the lid. Let it cool down a bit. Then use your tongs and remove all the chicken thighs and put them on a plate or a large bowl. Go take a nap. After it all has cooled, remove the skin and bones from the chicken and throw them away. Don't get bored and lazy here or you'll regret it. Bones and rubbery skin pieces aren't appetizing. Shred the chicken with your fingers and toss it back into the pot.
Once all the chicken is back at the party, add the rice. I use brown rice because I'm healthy like that (hence all the butter usage). Feel free to use white. Just keep in mind that white rice takes about 2/3 of the time to cook as brown. Know what that means? Frequent taste tests. Add rice. I use a small bag (16 oz). See picture. Wait Tara. That math doesn't work. I thought you were supposed to use the ration of 2 parts water to 1 part rice. Normally, that's true. Notice that that 6 cups from before has been cooking for quite awhile. Those six cups aren't all there anymore. No, 2 cups didn't evaporate off, but I like a little extra water when cooking brown rice. Like I said, it takes longer to cook and therefore, needs more water. Rice isn't going to taste good if it cooks without water. Can rice even cook without water? I don't want to know.
Once the rice is added, bring it back up to a boil, then turn it down to a simmer. Cover for about 15 minutes. Then take the cover off and simmer for about 30 more minutes. Test the rice as often as you want. Be careful not to burn your tongue. After the rice is cooked, turn off the heat. It doesn't matter if there is still some liquid. It'll soak up into the rice as it sits. If you find that you are short on broth, add some water. In about 1/2 cup increments. If you have a can of chicken broth, use that instead of water at this point. It took a lot of time to get that original water to taste good and not like well, water. Adding more will take away from the flavor party that you already have going on in that pot.
Lastly, test for seasonings. If you did it right, you shouldn't need anything. It is better to do the seasonings before the rice is cooked that way the rice will absorb it all. If you need to season, do it in small batches. Salt isn't always our friend. Note that this recipe isn't spicy. If you want it spicy, start with a spicy sausage. If still not enough, pepper it up until your heart is content. You may also notice that there's nothing in this recipe to give it any of the traditional reddish color. Why not? Well, Rick's recipe didn't have anything and tomatoes sometimes give me heartburn. If you want that color, add a can of tomato paste or a cup of v8. Using the multi-colored bell peppers will add some color so it isn't just bland colored bowl of flavor.
I like it, I hope you do too. This recipe feeds an army of 20.
Monday, January 10, 2011
New Orleans for New Year's
Get ready for a post chock-ful of pictures. Perhaps, because of the number of them, I should have used Facebook. I chose not to do so simply because I don't really want to share these pictures with too many people. After all, it could inspire stalking. No, no. Instead, you get to enjoy both pictures and as many catty captions as I can create.
This was pretty awesome. Just as much so in real life as in the picture.
We tried to be as touristy as possible. I even got a penny made with the Cade du Monde logo on it. Well, not really. But I thought about it.
We got to go to the LA Supreme Court on Thursday morning. Dr. Frank texted one of the justices Wednesday night after the Hornets' game (at about 10:30) and asked if we could stop by. It was pretty darn incredible.
Matt told me that he wants to be a judge so that he can have a gavel. If he had a gavel, he would sleep with it under his pillow. As a doctor, he's going to sleep with a stethescope under his pillow. Thank goodness he isn't going to be an undertaker.
I've never really had aspirations to join the judiciary. But I have to tell you, sitting in that chair made me reconsider. We shall see...
After the Court, Matt and I went to Nola, an Emerill Lagasse restaurant. When the waiter placed the butter on the table for the rolls, he said, "BAM!" I thought that was overdoing it a bit, but hey, he got a kick out of it.
Naturally, we went to the zoo. Matt and I have a fondness for zoos. We took this picture ourselves too. Swear.
Look at that!! Hoffmann is spelled right and everything. No, Matt isn't the sloth.
Here it is!!! The Hoffmann Sloth. To know more about this delightful creature, see above picture.
He's a monster. And a bully. Poor little cubby.
I think Matt was most excited about seeing the seals. I'm not sure why. Have you ever seen the movie Andre? That movie makes me cry every single time I watch it. Just like Fried Green Tomatoes. I just can't help it.
I tried to make my cheeks puffier than Matt's. I'm pretty certain that I won. Again.
We got this picture for days that I'm feeling less than attractive. Two men want me. That's bound to make me feel pretty.
The only picture we got together on New Year's Eve. Notice my pink cheeks. We had cheese and wine on the balcony overlooking Jackson Square. Good times. Pink cheeks.
We went an hour out of the way to eat at Mindendorf's. Worth it? Not for me. Not having a gall bladder leaves something to be desired at places that specialize in fried seafood. That something to be desired? My gall bladder. And self-control. I couldn't resist the shrimp po-boy. I should have.
I'm not one to be outdone by Matt. He's going to be a doctor, so am I. Granted, my way involves a lot more sleep and a lot less time. All things considered, I win. My picture made you smile, his, not so much. Well, it made me smile, but then, seeing Matt causes me to smile. Also, giant nutcrackers make me smile. I literally giggle aloud for the entire production every time I see The Nutcracker.
On our honeymoon, we won't have a problem taking pictures of ourselves. Matt has a knack for it.
What can I say, I'm attracted to hairy beasts. For more evidence, see the above and below pictures.
Look! W and D consented to and posed for a picture!!! This was at the Hornets v. Lakers game. Stupid Lakers.
This creature passed us on Canal. Matt bravely followed him to get a picture. Matt didn't die, so it was worth it.
This was pretty awesome. Just as much so in real life as in the picture. We tried to be as touristy as possible. I even got a penny made with the Cade du Monde logo on it. Well, not really. But I thought about it. We got to go to the LA Supreme Court on Thursday morning. Dr. Frank texted one of the justices Wednesday night after the Hornets' game (at about 10:30) and asked if we could stop by. It was pretty darn incredible. Matt told me that he wants to be a judge so that he can have a gavel. If he had a gavel, he would sleep with it under his pillow. As a doctor, he's going to sleep with a stethescope under his pillow. Thank goodness he isn't going to be an undertaker. I've never really had aspirations to join the judiciary. But I have to tell you, sitting in that chair made me reconsider. We shall see...After the Court, Matt and I went to Nola, an Emerill Lagasse restaurant. When the waiter placed the butter on the table for the rolls, he said, "BAM!" I thought that was overdoing it a bit, but hey, he got a kick out of it. Naturally, we went to the zoo. Matt and I have a fondness for zoos. We took this picture ourselves too. Swear.Look at that!! Hoffmann is spelled right and everything. No, Matt isn't the sloth.
Here it is!!! The Hoffmann Sloth. To know more about this delightful creature, see above picture.
He's a monster. And a bully. Poor little cubby. I think Matt was most excited about seeing the seals. I'm not sure why. Have you ever seen the movie Andre? That movie makes me cry every single time I watch it. Just like Fried Green Tomatoes. I just can't help it.I tried to make my cheeks puffier than Matt's. I'm pretty certain that I won. Again. We got this picture for days that I'm feeling less than attractive. Two men want me. That's bound to make me feel pretty.The only picture we got together on New Year's Eve. Notice my pink cheeks. We had cheese and wine on the balcony overlooking Jackson Square. Good times. Pink cheeks.I am sorry for the spacing. I tried. For thirty minutes. I gave up. Deal with it.
A Walk in the Park
My original title for this post was "A Sampling on Stalking" but I thought that might seem a bit too shady. I'd hate to cast aspersions on my character, especially with a new review of my behavior soon to come.
For New Year's, Matt and I accompanied his parents and his brother and his brother's girlfriend to New Orleans. We went last year too, I think this year was a bit more fun because we got to be there longer and discovered how to have hot water while taking a shower.
Drew*, and his girlfriend, Whitney*, were the most unaccomodating subjects for my goal - to take 300 pictures in 3 days. I failed, but my camera went on the blink at the end of day 2. Otherwise, it would have happened. I did get 200 in 2 days. Regardless of their lack of enthusiasm for my project, Matt and I were still able to capture their likeness in digital form.
How so? Simple, we stalked them. I have the pictures for proof. They never even saw us.
Kind in mind, this is only a sampling. Matt and I hope that you will consider us for your next personal investigatory needs. Our extended portfolio is available upon request.
For New Year's, Matt and I accompanied his parents and his brother and his brother's girlfriend to New Orleans. We went last year too, I think this year was a bit more fun because we got to be there longer and discovered how to have hot water while taking a shower.
Drew*, and his girlfriend, Whitney*, were the most unaccomodating subjects for my goal - to take 300 pictures in 3 days. I failed, but my camera went on the blink at the end of day 2. Otherwise, it would have happened. I did get 200 in 2 days. Regardless of their lack of enthusiasm for my project, Matt and I were still able to capture their likeness in digital form.
How so? Simple, we stalked them. I have the pictures for proof. They never even saw us.
Kind in mind, this is only a sampling. Matt and I hope that you will consider us for your next personal investigatory needs. Our extended portfolio is available upon request.
As you can see from the pictures, they thoroughly enjoyed sitting in the park while Matt and I were off having a blast. That's okay, we didn't need them.
*names may or may not have been changed to protect their privacy.
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