Confessions of an exhausted mother

I'm still relatively new at this whole mother thing. I don't have it mastered. I'm not an expert on child-rearing. And I'm certainly no one's go-to person for advice. I do some things right (like making my kid wear a coat during the winter) but I also do some things wrong (like not letting my kid play in dirt). I've learned during the past year and a half that sometimes, I just have to do what works. More often than I'd like to admit, what works isn't something I'm proud of. Even though this blog is public and accessible by anyone who comes up with the right google search terms, I've decided to tell you about a few of my less-proud moments. Here are my confessions, if you will.

No matter how great a day was or how well behaved Thomas was during the day, I do look forward to bedtime. His and mine. But mostly his. Now especially, bedtime is not a battle. We snuggle and sing, then I lay his little body in his crib and I go do the work that didn't get done during the day. Or I sit on the couch with my husband and watch TV. Or I color in my coloring book*. Basically, Thomas's bedtime is the mark of a very productive (or relaxing) part of my day. I look forward to it at some point in every. single. day.

I eat donuts in the laundry room. Thomas LOVES donuts. Loves them. Actually, his sweet tooth may be larger than mine. It's a problem. We limit his sweets intake quite a bit but for special occasions, he gets little treats. Today was a big deal so we went for donuts. Thomas ate his allotted number before I got to eat mine so I had to hide in the laundry room to eat mine so he wouldn't see me and covet my donut. I've also hidden king cake in the laundry room. And anything with a straw....

About once a month or so, I have to have some Mommy time. Matt will come home and I'll lock myself in my room for about fifteen minutes and do something mindless. Fifteen minutes of reading a beach book. Fifteen minutes of exfoliating my face. Deep cleaning my bathroom. Anything for a few minutes of silence to recharge. It's draining, this whole parenting thing. I love being able to stay home with Thomas and all the time that we get to have together, but sometimes it's hard to keep up with his energy levels and his attention demands. Not to mention the work that pays the bills...

I love my little boy more than I ever thought possible. I'm exhausted but deliriously happy. It's possible that the delirium is from lack of sleep but the happiness remains. I'm so thankful to have him.

Giselle, on the other hand, is another story. She still rebels against me. STILL. I feed her every single day and she STILL prefers Matt. I just don't get it.

*Don't judge. Okay, go ahead and judge a little. Does it help if I tell you that it is a Harry Potter coloring book and my mother gave it to me for Christmas? No? I didn't think so.