Trivial Pursuits

Lately I've been somewhat obsessed with grooming. I know, it isn't a bad thing for me. I could stand a little bit more girlyness. When I say "obsessed," I should say that I'm obsessed with thinking about it. I haven't actually done anything. My eyebrows could stand some fine-tuning, my face would be better if I wore more than just mascara to work, my hair desperately needs some TLC. But you know what, I've got plans. Next Tuesday I'm getting these not-so-luscious locks put back in their place and getting some brow work done. Even more rare though, I'm going to take myself to the nail salon on Saturday. I've worked hard on leaving my nails (and nail beds) alone these past couple of months so I could look nice and now, it's finally paying off.

Come Saturday I can proudly walk into the nail salon and not getting reprimanded for the shabby state of my cuticules or the actual lack of nails on my fingers. Granted, I probably won't understand half of what my manicurist says to me anyway, but that's beside the point. I understand looks of disgust just fine.

Anyway. I need to decide on a nail color. Normally, I'm a clear, light pink, let's-not-draw-attention-to-my-hands kind of girl. But I'm in the mood for something bold. I've got a wedding to go to Saturday night and I'll most likely wear a navy blue dress. Here's what struck my fancy while I was perusing the world wide web:

I have no interest in nails like these. Pinterest, you can keep them.

I'm leaning towards the gold. I'm not sure why, but man, it's pretty. Though, I'm a fan of the purple and green too. What do you think? Got any other polish suggestions for me and my navy dress?

Turtle slain; Giselle arrested

WARNING!! Gruesome photos to follow. We request that parents escort young children out of range of this broadcast.

There she is, looking all sweet and innocent, snuggling with Turtle. Don't be fooled. She was actually plotting the soft animal's brutal murder.

Just a few hours after this picture was taken, the residents of *42 Wallaby Way woke up to discover that Turtle had been viciously attacked and had perished during the night.

The authorities were called. Poor Turtle was taken away and evidence collected.

Literally, the stuffing had been beaten out of Turtle during an attack of unknown duration. All evidence indicates that Turtle never knew it was coming.

Here's the point of maximum impact. The death blow.

The only suspect, Giselle Hoffmann, has been taken into custody. So far, she's been charged with second-degree murder. Giselle has refused the assistance of counsel and is fully cooperating with the authorities. The people of Wallaby Way are confused and stunned by Giselle's charges, but aren't surprised that she's been arrested for a violent act. It seems that Giselle has a habit of roughing up helpless animals. One person showed us this picture of another recent alleged victim of Giselle's but refused to give the victim's name.

We can only hope that authorities are correct in their belief of Giselle's guilt and the culprit has been apprehended. Now we must wait and watch to see if Turtle will get the justice he deserves.

*Address changed to protect the innocent