PB FOUND, UNHARMED BUT CONFUSED

NEWS! NEWS! The missing peanut butter has been found. Late yesterday afternoon searches located said peanut butter after hours of desperate looking. The jar was found in the spice cabinet among the powdered garlic and baking soda. When asked how it came to be there, the jar commented that he was unable to remember anything before being rescued. Physicians we contacted said that short-term memory loss was common with accident victims and they are hopeful that PB will soon regain his memory. Loved ones are thankful to all those who were involved in the search and just want things to go back to the way they were before this awful incident occurred. We'll keep our faithful readers updated with PB's recovery process and the continued efforts to determine how he came to be so far from home.

Have you seen this jar?

This morning was a typical Monday. Woke up slowly, moved slowly, got ready slowly while the clock moved quite quickly. Lately, because I've run out of milk, I've been eating oatmeal for breakfast. I like oatmeal so this is no hardship on me. As I was waiting for my oatmeal to cool down (and thicken, I mean, who likes soupy oatmeal?) I cut up my apple to take to school with me. Since I usually pair my apple with an orange but am also out of oranges, I went to the pantry to get my trusty peanut butter to fill in that gap of my lunchtime snack. People that know me well, know that I have a place for everything and I'm only happy when everything is in its place. This morning I looked right where my peanut butter is supposed to be in the pantry. It wasn't there. I cringed. Hastily I scanned the shelves to look for the misplaced peanutty goodness, but to no avail. My peanut better has gone missing. It looks like this:

I'm not completely sure, and I refuse to name any names, but I think my roommate has inappropriately appropriated my personal property.

I will be launching an investigation. The fingerprinting and forensics team will be arriving this afternoon.