If I had a do-over

When Matt and I got married, our five-year plan did not include a child. Perhaps a pregnancy at the very end of that five years, but not a baby. Our plan included a lot of working to pay off our student loans, a lot of travel to see the world, and a lot of "just us" time. About a year after we got married, we reevaluated our five-year plan and spent countless hours thinking and talking about moving up our offspring timeline. No, my clock wasn't ticking. No, I don't have health problems that forced us to hurry. No, we did not have baby fever. Instead, we were faced with the reality of immortality. Not our own, but of those we loved. We decided that we wanted to give a gift of ourselves before it was too late. We did the math, ran the numbers, and decided on the timeline. Our plan went off without a hitch. We have been able to bring undeniable joy to so many people with our child.

But sometimes, on days like today, I think about a do-over

I think we should have waited longer so we'd have more financial stability. I think we should have seen more places before having to handle a child. I think we needed more time to solidify our marriage before we needed to be such an important example to a developing heart and head.

And then I look down at my baby boy.

And I know that a do-over isn't necessary. I wouldn't change a thing. Today, I am exhausted. My house could use a serious cleaning. I've got more work to do in the next 24 hours than I could do in 72 hours. Yet, I wouldn't change a thing. I couldn't give up Thomas's smiles. Or his silly coos that are so close to giggles. I couldn't lose that tingle I feel whenever I see Matt holding his child. I don't want to change anything about the moments Thomas and I share first thing in the morning when he goes from deep sleep to wide awake and ready to play.

Our new five-year plan is similar to our first one. We paid off one of my student loans last week. We're making plans to go to San Diego (with Thomas) in the fall. We are more in love now than ever before. Our hope was to bless others with Thomas while we still could. I think we've done that. We've also blessed ourselves. Life may be harder now than we had planned, but goodness, it sure is sweeter.